||[17 Jan 2006|10:58pm]
i fucking graduated high school. yesssssssssssssssssssssss.
||[18 Dec 2005|12:32pm]
i need to update this thing.
friday night i went to the show at crossroads, it was awesome. i really liked the band through dead calm. adam kreeger was the lead singer, he has an awesome voice. i saw alot of people there i knew. It was nice seeing Jesse Khuse. I haven't seen him in a long time. We stayed until almost 11 cause Roger had to help clean up and we were giving him a ride home.
yesturday i got off of work at 3 and angie picked me up, we went to walmart and drove around for awhile then went to tiara and tim's house for like an hour. we then went to taco bell and ate inside. mmmmmmm. =) then she took me home cause i had to go to a christmas party. i went to the party, everyone had to bring a gift. i ended up getting a really good gift. it's chocolate smelling body wash and then marshmallow smelling lotion. chocolate marshmallow. mmmmmmmm. it smells so good. but we were all drinking and laughing and having fun, it was just all our girl cousins, and my cousin dana video taped the whole thing. then me and ashley left and went to pearl city for awhile, eric cracks me up. then i came home and got to talk to sean for a little bit. =) then i went to sleep.
i woke up at 715 today and realized i was supposed to be at work at 7. i swear to god i do that EVERY sunday, i'm probably going to get suspended soon. =/ then me and my mom went christmas shopping. i spent $115 dollars today and i'm still not done yet. i already spent $130 before. i'm going to rockford shopping tuesday with angie. =) i'm getting ready to go see my brother now so i'm going to end this here.
|i stole this from becki. =)
||[14 Dec 2005|01:12pm]
Last Cigarette: there is one in my hand.
Last Cry: the night before last.
Last Library Book Checked Out: i have no idea, its been quite some time.
Last Movie Seen in a Theater: The Exorcism of Emily Rose
Last Book Read: teenager soup for the tough soul
Last Kiss: sean
Last Cuss Word Uttered: fuck
Last Beverage Drank: moutain dew
Last Food Consumed: a salad at lunch
Last Phone Call: my mom
Last TV Show Watched: don't remember.
Last Time Showered: this morning
Last Shoes Worn: green and white circas
Last CD Played: cursive-burst and bloom
Last Soda Drank: moutain dew
Last Thing Written: vocab for us history
Last Words Spoken: 'i don't know'
Last Sleep: 11-5:45am today
Last IM: this morning
Last Sexual Fantasy: i don't remember
Last Time Wanting to Die: idk
Last Lipstick: i def don't wear lipstick
Last Time Dancing: haha idk
Last Show Attended: i haven't been to a show in a long ass time, probably during the pit days. =(
Last Big Car Ride: probably to milwaukee at the comp. haha long as time ago.
Last Crush: sean
Last Annoyance: people in my us history class
Last Disappointment: sean not calling me
Last Time Scolded: idk
Last Shirt Worn: juice's baby blue softball shirt, haha
Last Web Site Visited: myspace.com
Last song you listened to: the lament of pretty baby-cursive
Last song that was stuck in your head: lament of pretty baby
||[22 Nov 2005|01:39pm]
|| pissed off
i'm fucking done
||[21 Nov 2005|03:43pm]
how much must i live through just to get away?
all this tension and so alive.
how much must i live through just to get away?
all this pressure that makes your head feel so tired.
don't leave me alone.
i'm feeling so numb.
i need you to be here, i need you to call.
and everythings wrong, a beautiful shame.
and everythings ugly, hazy and grey.
doesn't it hurt?
trick and control you, deceive and destroy you.
doesn't it hurt?
does it make you feel inside, what you've never felt before?
did it promise you a life, but that left you all alone?
doesn't it hurt?
somethings wrong, trying to conquer these fears i thought were gone
and its been so long, i'm dying to live in a world i don't belong
i can't wait for someone to hear me
and wait for someone to touch me
and wait forever to be told
i'm forever alone.
on my own, i'll show myself what it means to be alone
and the tears i cry are washed away
all the scars are my disguise.
three sleepless nights
this isn't how its supposed to be
but you are so good at
taking your time to get back at me
i will wait for you forever
if you would just ask me
i thought that i could change you
but you changed me.
it doesn't feel right
holding someone elses hand
together on phone line
and living at two opposite ends.
it scares me to think
that you could find takers other than me
and better than me
but your head is elsewhere
and i'm talking enough for both of us
when will you see its not so easy for me
you're careless, and whispered, insulting, and bruising.
i never thought that you could say these words,
is this really happening?
i tried to kill the pain
but only brought more
i lay dying
and i'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
i'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming
am i too lost to be saved?
am i too lost?
hold on to me love
you know i can't stay long
all i wanted to say was i love you and i'm not afraid
can you hear me?
can you feel me in your arms?
holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight
closing your eyes to disappear
you pray your dreams will leave you here
but still you wake and know the truth
no ones there
dont be afraid
calling me, calling as you fade to black.
||[18 Nov 2005|10:10pm]
i'm going to start using this livejournal instead of the other one, just because i'm too lazy to redo everything, so nevermind the other one.
EVA!!!! we need to get together sometime soon because i'm really missing you! =( when do you get your license girl!? I LOVE YOU!
so i have a job now, but it sucks because i only get paid every other monday. and plus i have to pay 200 dollars rent every month and my checks aren't that big. so it's hard for me to save up for a car. so right now i'm just using my sister's car and paying her gas money.
i now live back with my sister, i'm happy with it somewhat because i get a little bit more freedom then at my parents house, but i don't wanna have to pay rent. but oh well. when i get out of school in a month, it'll be a lot better cause i'll have more freedom plus i'll be working full time so i'll have more money. =)
i'm ending this now.
ps. i forgot to say that I LOVE SEAN! :-)
||[21 Oct 2005|03:58pm]
i have a new journal.
comment to be added.
||[30 Jul 2005|06:19pm]
can life get any worse?
i'm done with livejournal.
||[22 Jun 2005|01:24pm]
i stole this from cody. =)
1. gum: orbit-bubble gum
2. restaurant: fazolis
3. drink: propel water-peachhh
4. season: summer
5. type of weather: 70s
8. late-night activity: cuddling.
9. sport (to watch): no thanks
10. city: davenport
11. store: hollister or forever 21
_______When was the last time you_______
12. cried: the other day
13. played a sport: in gym class a few months ago
14. Laughed: today talking to hannah
15. hugged someone: last night =)
16. kissed someone: last night
18. felt overworked: today in us history
19. faked sick: a year ago?
20. lied: i have no idea, i don't like to lie
___What was the last_______
21. word(s) you said: panda
22. thing you ate: chocolate chips
23. song you listened to: bright eyes-lila
24. last thing you drank: kool-aid
25. place you went to: summer school
26. movie you saw: anchorman
27. movie you rented: i don't remember
_______Who was the last person you_______
28. hugged: sean
29. cried over: josh
30. instant messaged: eva
31. danced with: bean
32. shared a secret with: hannah
33. had a sleepover with: juice
34. called: justin
35. went to a movie with: idk
36. saw: sean
37. angry with: my mom
38. couldn't take your eyes off: sean
39. obsessed over: i don't usually obsess over people
_______Have you ever_______
40. danced in the rain: yes
41. kissed someone: yes.
42. done drugs: yeah
43. drank alcohol: mhmm
44. partied 'til the sun came up: yeah
45. had a movie marathon: yes.
46. gone too far on a dare: yeah
47. spun until you were immensely dizzy: yes.
48. school you to go: Freeport
49. name: rayvin
50. gender: female
52. relationship status: taken
53. nationality: white
54. State or province you live in: illinois
55. i'm feeling: like poop
56. i'm listening to: taking back sunday
57. i'm doing: sitting here with sean
58. i'm talking to: no one
59. i'm craving: hot flamins
60. i'm thinking of: what i'm going to write
61. i'm hating: nothing
62. love is: good
63. my first love: shh
65. love or lust: love.
66. best love song: idk
69. Are you in love: yes
70. turn ons: personality, hips, eyes, smiles.
71. turn offs: fat hogs
72. does your parent's opinion on your gf/bf matter to you: nope
73. what kinda hairstyle are you into? anything
74. What is the sweetest thing a girl/guy can do for you? idk
75. where do you go to meet new people? wherever i see them
76. are you the type of person to HOLLA and ask for numbers?: nope
77. dog or cat: cats
78. short or long hair: depends on the person
79. sunshine or rain? sunshine most of the time
80. hugs or kisses: both
81. xbox or ps2: nintendo
82. written letters or e-mails: written letters
83. Cars or motorcycles: cars
84. coke or pepsi: coke
85. house party or club: house
86. sing or dance: both.
87. freak or slow dance: both
88. How are you today? hungry
89. what pants are you wearing right now? i'm not wearing pants
90. what shirt are you wearing right now? a tank top
91. what does your hair look like at the moment? afro
92. what song are you listening to right now? taking back sunday - cute without the e
93. how is the weather right now? hot